No Easy Way for the Hard Things

Lost in the open with nowhere to be found

What I have that I don’t want

What I want and don’t need

Knew I couldn’t come in but didn’t wanna leave

Liked you but you liked me not

Never saw me while I stood before you

Time spent together endured not enjoyed

Now this,

Summarizes the tragedy of my life

If only I could see through the smoke

See good in the bad and the bad in the good,

Yeah if only my end was the starting

Yeah just sad that you are happy without me

Maybe this is the loss in the love

The reason the rich envy the poor

Dead on arrival, maybe in another life

Bad chemistry

There’s a gentle simplicity

To this irrevocable and unending sadness

It is a combination of my bad chemistry

And my bad circumstance

There is a comfort in knowing why nights like this occur

I am loved, I have love, I create love

Yet I lie in the dark and just wish I wasn’t anymore

I know the reason for it

I think of the evil I have done

The stretched hands I have not helped

The good that I have not done yet

Then I wallow halfheartedly in this sadness

Sobbing into my hands

Stumbling from the bed to the bathroom

To the bathroom mirror to have some harsh words

With the red-rimmed image

Then the music plays

And I am soothed like the baby that I am

I feel God’s loving eyes

Him loving me more than I can possibly love myself

And I know one day

These new circumstances will short circuit this bad chemistry

Have to give myself away to gain the other

I can’t say I do when I don’t

Say yes when it screams no

leave you when my heart wants you to stay

Nothing more for someone who will die for less

Respect can be as important as love

Walk away from tables that no longer serve it

Sometimes, letting go of dreams you never thought you had

Rock bottom?… No?…Yes?…..Broken crayons still colour

I have met scared scarecrows before

They sure couldn’t be written off though

Wounded?I would rather you quit mid flight to fight

Let go, baggage slows motion

Story of my Life

What is next !!!!?

I wish I could go back in time and erase the past

Travel through time just to rewrite my past

I wish I could forget everything but this moment

Drive miles back to be infront of what I left behind

I wish changing my name could change my mind

I lied , thought I knew myself but I don’t recognize the image in the mirror

I wish what I have is what I need, nothing in every way is okay

I put my foot down and picked my heart up

I wish you told me, sometimes you lose when you win

You should have told me, the best efforts never translate into success

I wish utopia wasn’t that picture perfect, building my spirits up only to crumble beneath all these pages

You tell me not to look back anymore, to just create who I want to be and forget about finding self

I wish I would be happy now, stop waiting for life not to get hard anymore

Just for me to be happy again, as happiness shouldn’t be made a choice

I wish after this wave, I will be able to pen down happy poems

But before then, I promise to keep cutting onions

To the one that never went away

Life has a way of getting in the way of things

I knew this then and I know this now

The mutuality of time has unravelled the story of life before us

But we dare not to loose ourselves in wishful thinking

Never loosing ourselves to some past memories

For life has to be lived forward

You have braved new lands before

Beyond the walled up cities and homes

I pray that you may never stop playing

They say a cat has only nine lives

but forget to mention how cats are naturally courageous

how they live their lives curiously

The same curiosity that leads them to danger

The same curiosity that gives them hope to keep pushing

As you turn a year older, remember life is a race, but you can’t run forever

Quiting too is a form of bravity

But true courage lies in holding on even after everything in you screams flight

The Heart is a Lonesome Hunter

For a perfect moment, I swear I loved you

You were hard to resist, way harder to set free

Free to fly, I spread my love too thick

I gave myself away too much, waiting outside your inbox

Waiting in the grey area, only for grey ticks to turn blue

It is what it is , so they said

but the heart is a stupid organ, it gat no brain of its own

Ever disputing and hoping ,

holding on to a love I can never possess

If only it could stop running

If only it could stop chasing

Maybe , just maybe sunshine will brighten up this soggy curse

Until then, I am a museum of emotions I want to forget

For my heart desires and history demands never always agree

The Bad in The Goodbye

Once again tonight, I hold out my hand

Rooting for you to take it, or just leave it

As I don’t plan on holding it out for long

Tonight,

I hold the door open for you

Waiting for you to walk back right in

To put your ying back to my yang

Tonight, give me a proper good bye

Open your eyes to the crack of my wrenched heart

Swim with me in the ocean blue tears

For a drop of your memories, is enough to sink my ship

Come with me , let us bade good bye to this bad bye

This Love For The Next

I broke your heart just not as much as you broke mine

It was me showing up to your big day when you didn’t even show up to mine

Tried being a big person but a kid is never the bigger person

Ran away from you just to spend the rest of my life running after you

In this life for the next, i’ll love you with the shadow of my heart

Toxic love

Am dying to experience a toxic type of love

So toxic that we can start of yelling

go off screaming at each other

Bang tables when the waves ride on high

I want to be so mad that all I can do is shake uncontrollably

as my chest heaves up and down

Up and down till all I can do is run out of breathe

I want to be so mad till all I can do is cry

Let the tear drops wash my pain away

Then, just then

I’ll look back at your frustrated face

and wonder why I love you so much

I’ll look at you looking back at me

and wonder why you play my broken strings like that

cause no one else makes me this mad

no one else brings out my ugly

as I never let in people

to a world meant for my eyes only

When the emotions finally settles down

I know you will know

that you know I know

That this toxic love

was all I ever dreamed of

To rile me up into knowing how much I crave this love

Asleep with the fore mothers

I don’t know if this is a premonition
Or a product of my own imagination
I feel the angel of death looming
The goosebumps
The shaking of my legs
The flaring of my nose
It is time to go home
More frightening than I ever thought
Am scared of the dark
Coz I won’t get to see the angel of the dark
So I switch on the lights
Hoping to keep him at bay
But are we ever prepared for death?
Don’t look at me
I think we are
I saw myself almost dying last night
Tonight I had a date with a dead classmate

Do you have any regrets?
You ask ,
No I don’t
But I wish I had more time
But this is a trade I have to make
Don’t wanna keep God waiting
Which reminds
God you gat to wait
I need to get underway with my repentance
But I need to get this off my chest first
Family is all I had
and it is all you will ever have on your death bed
Friends come and go
Treasure the ones that stay
Love is easy to find and hard to keep
Just glad to have found and lost 😀
I think am now ready to go
Wait I haven’t repented yet
But it is scary
But I don’t wanna resist it
I want to die peacefully beautiful
So imma smile through it all

Where is the will?
Y’all silently ask
Everything that I had
Is everything that you now have
No longer important to me
but you might have to squander it slowly 😂
Another thing,
Don’t expose my nudity
Privacy is what I desire in health and death

Sorry I left without goodbye
but am sorry for all the things I have done
Sorry I won’t wake you up to tell you of my impeding journey
Maybe it is coz am a coward
But mostly coz I don’t want to go with you watching
I don’t know how to get this to Tonia
I feel like a owe her this
No not Cindy, I don’t know if she can handle
Please don’t rush my burial,
also don’t keep me in the morgue for long
I don’t want to freeze to death again
Just kidding,
Dead people scare the crap out of me
If am the trade off
God please don’t make this hard for both of us
(The title is Bible inspired.. And David or Solomon,or anyone …laid with his fathers.. )