Bad chemistry

• 

Should be happy here

There’s a gentle simplicity

To this irrevocable and unending sadness

It is a combination of my bad chemistry

And my bad circumstance

There is a comfort in knowing why nights like this occur

I am loved, I have love, I create love

Yet I lie in the dark and just wish I wasn’t anymore

I know the reason for it

I think of the evil I have done

The stretched hands I have not helped

The good that I have not done yet

Then I wallow halfheartedly in this sadness

Sobbing into my hands

Stumbling from the bed to the bathroom

To the bathroom mirror to have some harsh words

With the red-rimmed image

Then the music plays

And I am soothed like the baby that I am

I feel God’s loving eyes

Him loving me more than I can possibly love myself

And I know one day

These new circumstances will short circuit this bad chemistry